Father-of-the-Bride’s Speech on the Occasion of the Marriage of Christopher Joseph Ryman to Anna Rachel Ling at Dun Laoghaire Evangelical Church, Co Dublin, Ireland, 15 October 2005
It is my duty, honour and pleasure to
welcome you, one and all.
Before I get to the main event, let me tell you that today there is another
cause for celebration. Today is the 30th birthday of Anne, my
daughter-in-law and mother of my granddaughters. There is a huge card
circulating – please sign it. [arrival of a cake from the kitchen and
spontaneous singing of ‘Happy Birthday’].
Today, we are witnesses to one of life’s greatest pleasures and adventures
and challenges, MARRIAGE. Some say it is outdated, some say it is just
a piece of paper - both are entirely wrong.
Every Christian father longs for two things for his children. First,
that the influence of the Christian home would encourage them to embrace
Christ as Saviour and Lord, and that therefore they would become true
Christians. Second, that they would marry in the Lord, that is, they
would marry a Bible-believing Christian.
Anna became a Christian some years ago, as
Christopher did too. And so today we witness the second of these
Christian father’s longings, Christian marriage. Today, we have been
witnesses to great vows – they are non-negotiable, non-transferable,
lifelong vows. Indeed, it is a great day. It is both profoundly solemn and
also seriously celebratory. So, I stand before you as a sincerely,
happy Christian father – twice blessed.
Now, let me turn to the groom and bride. Christopher, welcome to the
Ling family. I must say that we are beginning to like you less and
less. That’s because we are coming to love you more and more!
Now, what can I say about Anna? It is very tempting to say lots.
Her brothers would want me to mention all sorts of events. For
instance, there was the school sports, the lost wallet, and the hippo’s
teeth, but I shall refrain from recalling any such, and perhaps disappoint
you all.
However, there is one matter I must mention – and it is this. Anna has been
a better daughter to me than I have been a father to her. For the last
26 years, she has enriched my life deeply.
This is a time when fathers review their successes and failures. You
will concede that in some areas I (and Wendy) have succeeded – just look at
her! There have also been many failures on my part. One in
particular stands out, and I’m sure Anna will agree. It concerns
having a rabbit as a pet. For many various and good reasons, I never
bought her one – that is, until today! [large cardboard box with ‘Carry
Pet’ stickers on the sides and with hay sticking out of some of the air
holes is produced. Silence while Anna gingerly opens the box – is it?
could it be? No, it is just a lifelike cuddly toy rabbit. Sighs
of relief all round].
When I think of marriage (not just a wedding, which is merely the public
start), I often think of a rather strange motif, a wonderful enigma, a
delightful way in which the Bible pictures marriage. It begins with
the creational ordinance of Genesis 2:24, showing that marriage is not just
a man-made invention, devised during the seventeenth century, or at some
other time in history. Marriage is a divinely-established institution.
This Genesis institution continues right through to Ephesians 5:31,
including the very words of the Lord Jesus Christ as recorded in the gospels
of Matthew and Mark.
Genesis 2:24 was read in your hearing during the marriage service.
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and they will become one flesh.’ That is, it talks about
CLEAVING. Indeed, the Authorised Version of the Bible uses the word,
‘cleave’.
What a wonderful English word this is, with two completely opposite
meanings. First, to cleave is to separate, to break, to split, like an
axe cleaves wood. Second, to cleave is also, to join, to adhere, to
unite, to stick to, to cling to, like a drowning man cleaves to his rescuer.
So marriage first involves cleaving, as in separating, as in leaving (as in
Genesis 2:24). It involves leaving the parental home, creating a new,
separate independence. It is leaving previous family to start a new
family unit – putting a fresh branch in the family tree of the Rymans and
the Lings.
And second, this leads onto a new cleaving, a new joining together, a
uniting to become one flesh – so the two, profoundly, all-embracingly
become, one.
To remind Christopher and Anna of these weighty truths, I have two
additional presents for them. So happy cleaving !! [two bags are
produced – one for Anna contains an 11” Sabatier cleaver, and the other for
Christopher contains a litre tub of PVA glue].
Finally, this is traditionally the time when fathers give advice to the
young couple. Some talk about how the husband should prepare breakfast
in bed on the first morning of the honeymoon and then say, ‘See that’s how
it’s done, try that for the next 60 years.’ Not me!! Others,
give counsel to the newly-weds about how to manage a joint bank account.
Not me!!
My advice is much simpler. It is this, live Ephesians 5, the greatest
description of marriage to be found anywhere.
It is profoundly simple. v. 22, ‘wives submit to your husbands as to the
Lord.’ All good partnerships need a leader. And if that is
regarded as unrealistic and too unfashionable, then just consider v.25,
‘Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church.’
These are not just pretty aspirational statements – they are commands, to be
fulfilled. May God grant you both the wisdom, energy and determination to do
just that. And with God’s help may you accomplish that. And all
the people said, ‘Amen.’